If Only (TorrentClan Challenge)
by Honeystorm
Summary: Cherrystar, leader of CherryClan, and Phantasm, a loner, are mates. But when Cherrystar realizes that she will have kits, what happens to Phantasm? Does he choose to stay, or will he leave?


"Phantasm, we're having kits."

Phantasm beamed and nuzzled Cherrystar. "They're ours?"

"Of course!" exclaimed Cherrystar. The dark ginger leader of CherryClan shook with excitement. "Brownleaf confirmed it a few days ago."

Phantasm's orange eyes widened in wonder. "Do you know if we'll have sons or daughters?"

"No," sighed Cherrystar. "Although I'd like one to look like you; I wouldn't care if they were a she-kit or he-kit."

"Neither would I-that is, I wouldn't care who was a she-kit or he-kit," amended Phantasm. The black tom sat down and tapped his paw as an invitation to his mate. "Does the Clan know?"

"Yes," said Cherrystar, sitting next to him. "They're hoping that you could join...?"

Phantasm shook his head, eyes dropping with regret. "You know I won't," he said. "I can't give up this life. I just don't think that I'd fit within a Clan life. It's too...structured and orderly. I like to do what I want to when I want to. Would you come with me and leave Birchclaw in charge of the Clan?"

Cherrystar sighed, gazing at her mate with undisguised love and regret. "I can't. I'm a leader and if I give up my position...what message does it send to our descendants. But could you at least promise to visit me and the kits?" she pleaded.

A ghost of a smile appeared on Phantasm's muzzle. "Of course I will! Why would I miss seeing our kits?"

"Then I suppose that this is goodbye for now?"

"Must it be? Surely we can sit for a while longer."

"I suppose we can."

* * *

 _A few seasons ago, Cherrystar had met Phantasm while on one of the border patrols she occasionally partook in. She had been with Plumclaw, Magpiewhisker, and Grebepaw, one of Pikepelt's kits. They were patrolling the Thunderpath near the Great Lake when Grebepaw smelled a tomcat._

 _"Magpiewhisker" she had said, "I smell a loner. A tomcat."_

 _"Really?" asked Magpiewhisker._

 _"Of course!" insisted Grebepaw. "He's over there, for StarClan's sake!"_

 _Indeed, a black tomcat was crossing the Thunderpath at that moment, many tail-lengths away. Grebepaw, being the enthusiastic apprentice that she was, bounded towards the loner, forcing the two warriors and the leader to run after her. Once the older cats had caught up, the apprentice and loner were talking._

 _"Meet Phantasm!" announced Grebepaw. "He wanted to meet us because he says that all the cats in the human territories have been talking about us. Isn't that so cool?"_

 _Cherrystar hid a grin at Grebepaw's enthusiasm. Plumclaw was trying not to snigger while Magpiewhisker had a pained expression as if he were also trying hard not to laugh. Cherrystar introduced herself, Magpiewhisker, Plumclaw, and Grebepaw a little more formally. For some reason, she found her heart flutter when she met Phantasm's eyes. There was a playfulness in his gaze that she had seen in the former kittypets of her Clan, but there seemed to be something...special...about this tom. Shaking off the feeling, Cherrystar invited Phantasm to meet the rest of her Clan. He accepted and the five padded to CherryClan's camp. Along the way, Phantasm asked how many Clanners there were._

 _"Enough of us that we overran the forest in less than a day," said Plumclaw sarcastically_

 _Phantasm smirked. "Sure," he said. "And I bet you eat housecats for each meal."_

 _"No we don't!" protested Magpiewhisker. "They're a rare delicacy!" Cherrystar laughed at this. Phantasm met her eyes with a little knowing smile that she returned._

 _At camp, Phantasm was introduced to everyone, from Birchclaw, to Lavenderheart and her five-moon-old kits. He was invited to stay the night, and no one protested, as they still remembered when many of them had been just like Phantasm-loners and kittypets-but he politely declined, saying that he would come back another time._

 _Over the next few moons, Phantasm would come the way of the Clans, trading news and gossip. Every time she saw him, there was a flutter in Cherrystar's chest, and one day, she went to complain to Pikepelt about it._

 _"What's wrong now?" asked Pikepelt as she sorted through her herbs. Again. Brownleaf was out hunting for herbs with Grebenose and Barleystripe._

 _Cherrystar hesitated for a moment, before plunging in. "Every time I look at Phantasm...something weird happens. It's like... It's like..." she struggled to describe it._

 _"Everything's right in the world for once?" said Pikepelt, a sly grin on her face._

 _"...yes."_

 _"Well, it appears that you have a bad case of love. I don't have any herbs that can fix it; sorry."_

In love? With a loner? Not possible! _thought Cherrystar. But then she realized that Pikepelt was right. She had seen the feeling mirrored in the expressions of those in her Clan with mates, and likely looked the same way. She left the medicine cats' den after a few words of thanks, and the next day, admitted her feelings to Phantasm._

 _Surprisingly, he didn't rebuff her. Instead, he said, "I think that I like you too. I just wasn't sure how you would take it."_

 _Cherrystar was embarrassed but in a good way; she was surprised that he returned her feelings, and didn't hesitate to capitalize on it. They started being together more often, and alone more often, and one day, Cherrystar announced that she and Phantasm were mates. No one in the Clan was surprised; only pleased, and Phantasm began to stay at CherryClan longer and longer. Selfishly, she hoped that he would join, but it wasn't to be. Then, Brownleaf told Cherrystar that she was to have kits. Phantasm's kits._

* * *

"When will they be born?" asked Phantasm.

"In two-and-a-half moons or so," replied Cherrystar, gazing at her mate fondly. "Make sure to come by before then."

"Do you have any names in mind?"

"I don't know yet. I was thinking Smoke- or Shadow- for any kits that look like you. And I think that it's close to your name, because it means 'spirit,' right?"

"It does. I like Shadow-. I think that I'd like Fox- if any kits turn out to be like you." said Phantasm.

"Why?" asked Cherrystar, surprised.

"Because I want them to remember to be quick and sly like a fox. Imagine the legends that will be told!"

Cherrystar purred with laughter. "I'm afraid that I must now be going. You'll come back soon?"

"I swear to StarClan that I'll be back."

Phantasm stood up to leave, but first, he nuzzled Cherrystar, who returned the gesture. Then, he left, black tail waving in the air. Cherrystar watched as he left, his black form fading into the shadows. Then, she ran back to her Clan, almost heedless of the three tiny lives she was carrying.


End file.
